Pure Barre July Challenge: I did it. Mic drop.

I did it. I finished all 20 thigh, seat and ab breaking classes. It wasn’t easy and the soreness was real. Throughout the month of July I actively avoided stairs so as not to inflict more pain. There were mornings when I’d wake up and my body was so tired that to get out of bed I’d lift myself out like this:

*This is all done in slow motion*

Lift neck

Push elbows back to lift upper body

Ok, gotta put my legs on the floor so just gonna

Pivot

Piiiiivot

Feet on the floor, alright!

As the month went on I noticed that while the classes were still intensely challenging, it didn’t take me nearly as long to recover afterwards as it had in the past. There were also classes I’d walk into having been my 4^th or 5^th in a row that turned out to be my best performances. It was shocking, but the saying is true, you’re stronger than you think. (Even when sometimes all you think about in class is tacos)

Flipping into a temporary moment of seriousness:

The reason I started going to Pure Barre was because I had injured my neck and I needed a challenging exercise that I could do that was low-impact. In fact, in the month of June I was going to physical therapy to get over the injury and was finally making forward progress after being in pain for nearly a year. Now that I’m nearly at 100% I fully understand and can appreciate that being able to exercise and push yourself is a privilege.  Healing from this made me aware of just how good I have it, and to always be grateful for a healthy body.

Q’s I’ve been asked about the challenge:

Would you do another Barre Challenge month?

‘Yes absolutely!’. The awesome part about a challenge like this is it really shows you that with a little planning you can really pack your schedule to meet your fitness needs no matter what.

Have you lost weight/noticed any body changes?

Yes and no. I’ve lost a lot of inches, but not weight. I lost an inch and a half off of my waist and hips just during the July challenge alone. So I can see how effective the exercise is. For other body changes, I’m a lot stronger now. I can do push-ups and the splits. Who would have thought that in my 30’s I’d be doing the splits? I can’t really show them off as a party trick anymore as most of the parties I now go to are baby related. Maybe I can break it out during a wine and cheese thing? I dunno.

Are you going to still go to Barre?

Yes, I did a butt breaking class this morning thank you. I need a barre buddy you wanna come?

Any advice for someone starting out new with Barre?

Just keep going to class. You’ll get better and stronger faster than you think. Also, don’t eat spicy foods before class. Just trust me on that one.

Shortly after my last class, an email from my studio went out congratulating all of the challenge winners and naming all of us. They also let us know that the prize for completing this challenge is a free intensive workshop class.

Looks like I’m just going to buy a Barre shirt and say that I won that shit.

To celebrate, I’m ending this with The Cars.

65 Thoughts I Had While In Barre Class

{To the tune of Livin’ on a Prayer}

Ohhhhh I’m halfway thereee, Ohhh-Ohh tryna not look like a pear

I’ve finished half the Pure Barre July Challenge.

Last night was my 10^th class, it was an 80’s themed class, and I was doing well in the challenge until Tuesday’s little battle sesh. I was slowly murdered by my Pure Barre instructor whilst wearing a side-pony and Ninja Turtles t-shirt.

I’ve compiled a list of 65 thoughts I had

1. Class number 10: I’m going to crush this
2. How does this place smell good even if it’s a gym?
3. All this 80’s workout clothes doesn’t look too different than our normal gear wtf
4. I like leg warmers I don’t care what anybody thinks
5. Oh good my spot on the floor isn’t taken.
6. I see a bunch of girls that I feel like I kind of know, but haven’t talked to in class
7. We’re like battle buddies in here
8. Oh shit, I stared at her too long. I’m so awkward
9. Look.At.Cuticles
10. Ok instructor is putting on her mic
11. It’s go time
12. Knee lifts alright not so bad
13. Omigod I’m way more tired than I thought my muscles literally feel like bags of SAND
14. 90 second plank time- just push through this shitty shitty temporary pain
15. Got a compliment from the instructor. Banking it now.
16. Hurtssss so much
17. Already sweating. Looks like I’m just going to be gross right out of the gate
18. Why do I feel so taxed already??
19. Moving on to arms
20. Hey I can see tiny biceps in the mirror
21. I should just always hold my arms like this
22. Shoulders are burning. Not a slow burn either, these mofos on are fireeeee
23. These 2 pound weights feel like a 1000. They are tiny and all cute. Little shits
24. Oh thank God, streeeeeetch
25. To the barre ya’ll
26. Thighs all day
27. Look at me doing this thigh work like a BOSS
28. Spoke to soon this is LITERALLY the most painful thing I’ve ever done
29. Don’t break don’t break don’t break
30. I broke form
31. I’m back in, no one saw be cool be cool be cool
32. Please say this is the final 10 reps PLEAAAASSSE
33. THIS IS THE LONGEST 10 SECONDS EVER
34. Moving on! What’s that? More thighs bish
35. Is everyone else going through the inner turmoil that I am?
36. Goddamn I want a taco
37. And streeeeetch yasssss
38. Omigod I’m doing the splits, haven’t been able to do this since I was 12
39. I’m sweating so much I think all my fluid from inside is now outside
40. Ok, girl next to me merely glowing. Not the Swamp Thing like me
41. Seat work now
42. I guess that’s what real ladies call butts
43. I’m awesome at this, lifting and lifting
44. Instructor corrected my form and this is now actually hard as hell
45. Ass-is-going-to-pop-off
46. Is everyone else looking at their butts in the mirror?
47. Just me. Typical.
48. Oh yes, this is the one where we lay on the floor
49. “Go somewhere else in your mind” Instructor says—My mind is focused on the pain in my ass
50. Excuse me “Pain in my seat”
51. Hates it
52. Streeeetch sweet mother of
53. Grabbing a mat for some ab work yeaah
54. Ok I’m calling this move the wind breaker, because your girl needs to fart
55. This class is in very close quarters. Don’t fart don’t fart don’t fart
56. My abs are shaking— from effort hopefully
57. Say FINAL TEN PLEASE GOD
58. Yassss queeeen cobra stretch
59. I forgot the final sprint- I always forget it DAMMIT
60. Just gotta get through this last floor bridge
61. They are playing a remix of Berlin’s Take My Breath Away and the irony is not lost on me
62. It looks like we’re all humping the air
63. Seriously how is the instructor not laughing
64. FINAL FUCKING STRETCHES
65. Omigod I love this shit

Halfway there guys, let’s see if I can push it through to the end. Also, I stand by my love of leg warmers.

Pure Barre Challenge: This May Kill Me

Guess who’s back? Back again. My blog’s back. Tell a friend.

This January I decided to do what everyone does, and GET IN SHAPE dammit! I’ve been a casual runner for years, but it was never anything that was super serious. Mostly I did it for the post-race free t-shirts baby! (And also I did it to be able to describe myself smugly as ‘a runner.’) I loved it, but I’ve had to take a temporary sabbatical from running because I’ve sustained a weird injury.

I’ve been healing from a periscapular strain on the fifth vertebrae of my neck. Which I got from throwing up. Seriously.  I wish it was a cooler story, but it was from a stomach virus. This bug was so intense I was sure that I’d be discovered dead on my bathroom floor. Some years-worn detective would probably have to let my parents and boyfriend know “In all my years I’ve never seen something so embarrassing” and then he’d flick out a half-smoked cigarette. (I’m just guessing at the details.)

During the course of this sickness I heaved so hard that I damaged my neck. I’m assured by my orthopedic doctor that this is more common than I think. I’m skeptical.  I’m pretty sure he’s lumping me in with his geriatric patients. He advised that I needed to find a low exercise intense workout that wouldn’t bother my neck, and this is where Pure Barre comes in.

My first class was January 9, 2015 and thus began my love affair. Pure Barre describes itself as “Utlizing the ballet barre to perform small isometric movements, it is a total body workout that targets your seat, tones your thighs and burns fat in record-breaking time.”  I would describe it as “Torture that you come to crave and is low impact on your joints. Perfect for you if you’ve somehow hurt yourself by barfing”

I’ve been at it for 6 months now, and I.CANNOT.STOP. Each class is insanely hard. During each class there is a time when I say to myself “I hate this” but somehow at the end of each class I have a moment where I AM BEYONCE.

This summer there is a challenge that my Pure Barre studio has put out that simply “Complete 20 classes in the month of July” I’m going to attempt this challenge. I will say I’m a bit concerned considering how sore I am after each class. I’m going to document my progress here, and keep you all along for the ride.  And guys, there is a free t-shirt at the end of this I can feel it.

They look so angry… please don’t hurt me.