Slapcup. America’s Game.

I love America.  We are truly an industrious and creative nation.  America adopts things the world creates, combines it with something else and makes it better.  We took the hamburger from Germany, added two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun and created the Big Mac.  We took cheese covered bread from Italy, added pepporoni and sausage and called it pizza.  America itself was founded by a bunch of people who just thought they could do better than England.  Well, we  have also taken the world’s rich history of alcohol and added drinking games to make the drinking experience even more fun.  But we didn’t stop there.  These drinking games continue to evolve and it is that idea that I want to focus on.

America has created the single greatest drinking game ever, slapcup.  What is slapcup you ask?  Only the most important drinking game you should ever learn.  It is on par with learning the pledge of allegiance and the national anthem.  The game itself is rather simple but trying to explain it rather than just playing it doesn’t do it justice.  The best analogy I can give is if speed quarters and beer pong hooked up in the back of a Volkswagen after a Guns & Roses concert, slapcup would be their love child.

The game is basic.  Bounce a ping pong ball into a cup before the person next to you does.  If you do that then you can slap their cup away and they have to replace it with a new cup.  That cup is full of beer though so they must drink that in order to continue the game.  There are a few other rules but I don’t want to bog you down with details.  There are two ways to play, a continuous game and a stop and start game.  The continuous game is more common but the stop and start is more fun because it gives you time to ridicule the loser of that round of cup slapping.  There also tends to be a lot of cheering in the stop and start game which will draw a crowd if you are in a bar.

Another great thing about slapcup is that it is easy to make new rules.  This keeps the game interesting and allows you to get creative.  One new rule I especially like is called Trifecta.  If a person gets their cup slapped 3 times in a row then they have to drink a full beer on top of the cups of beer they are already drinking.  You would be amazed how an entire group of people can unite to get one person completely hammered after that person has lost their second round of cup slapping.

If you are still reading this I am a little surprised.  You should be scouring your kitchen for red cups and ping pong balls so you can play this amazing game.  If you want to learn more just go to Youtube and type slapcup, you will find plenty of how-to play videos.  You can also “like” slapcup on Facebook.  If you know of any cool rules post them in the comments section.  Good luck, and good slapping.

Overthinking the Movie Gremlins

So in my free time my brain likes to wander.  Sometimes it will just settle on a movie and start picking apart all of the intricacies.  This doesn’t make the movie any less enjoyable by the way.  If nothing else I think it just reaffirms that I have too much free time on my hands.  Below I will break down some issues I came across when thinking about the movie Gremlins.  For the record, I actually like that movie.

So anyone that has seen Gremlins knows the 3 rules for keeping a Mogwai as a pet.

1. Don’t expose them to sunlight.
2. Don’t spill water on them.
3. Don’t feed them after midnight.

So you can’t expose them to sunlight.  Then they must really suffer from vitamin D deficiency unless supplements are part of their diet regimen.  Also, studies have linked limited exposure to the sun to depression.  Based solely on rule number 1 these guys are in bad shape.

You can’t get them wet unless you want them to multiply.  But can they drink water?  This is never explained and it has really got me perplexed.  Any mammal on earth needs some form of water to survive.  Don’t these little guys?  I realize that it only makes them multiply but that is actually worse for their own personal safety.  If they are already dehydrated because they can’t have water, then you spill water on them and they start reproducing like crazy, that is just further reducing what water, nutrients etc. they need to survive.  As discussed above they are already Vitamin D deficient so they can’t afford to make it worse.

The most important rule of all is that you can’t feed them after midnight.  If you do it somehow changes them from this cute little fella

to this weird looking thing that for some reason has a mohawk even though it is obvious he is part of the reptile family (and reptiles aren’t scientifically able to have hair)

So here is where things get tricky.  What time zone does midnight relate to? EST, MST, PST; maybe even somewhere over in Europe.  And don’t tell me it is just based on where they reside at the time because that is just ludicrous.  Biologically speaking how would their bodies know whether they are in England, China, or Canada?  Also, when does “after midnight” end?  Technically, any time the next day is after midnight.  So is it midnight to sun up?

These are simply the thoughts in my head concerning this movie.  It has been a while since I have seen Gremlins so perhaps I got something wrong.  Feel free to correct me if I did.  I am also happy to overthink any other movies so if you have suggestions please let me know.

Craigslist. Helpful online tool or simply a source of endless entertainment?

 

So I have been looking for a roommate and I thought to myself, maybe I will check out Craigslist.  Boy am I glad I did.  I have never been a big Craigslist guy but I think that is going to change.  Reading the postings of all the people who are either looking for roommates or looking for a place to stay is extremely entertaining.  Let me put it this way, when I clicked on the “seeking roommate” section one of the first postings that came up said “Gay Friendly Cross Dressers”.  Now that wasn’t exactly what I was looking for in a roommate but that doesn’t mean I didn’t click on the link to learn more.  I was a little disappointed when the posting was only 2 sentences long but the second sentence was great.  It said, “I am a crossdresser and I am starting to change to a Tiffany”.  Huh?  Please tell me more.  Alas, there was nothing left to read so I moved on.

Now you can learn a lot about people’s experiences by what they say they aren’t looking for in a roommate/living situation.  What that really means is that they have probably experienced something like that before and they don’t want to go through it again.  Kinda like that warning label on Draino that says, “Do not Drink”.  Translation= Some idiot a long time ago decided it would be a good idea to drink a liquid used to clean out your pipes so we actually have to tell you not to do that.

Below I will list some various postings I read and then will attempt to translate their real meaning:

-“BLK straight bruh only interested in the same”.  Translation= No white guys, no gay guys, definitely no gay white guys.

– “With the exception of babysitting, I am willing to do ANY job for a place to stay”.  Translation= Yes that includes sex.

-“Male looking to find housing with female. Will share in all houshold duties. I need a place to store my toys. Will split rent. “  Translation= I am a serial killer.

-“My wife is home alone most of the time so we prefer a single female roommate”.  Translation= She gets lonely and will hit on you constantly.  There are video cameras all over the place so I won’t miss out on any of the action.

-“My fiance and I are looking for another couple to roommate with us in a house or townhouse.”  Translation= We are swingers.

-“Yes I posted $5.00 a day, just to get your attention .You can be any age, any color, any religion
There is a place in my house and heart and my bed for one deserving Woman. Yes You. The Girl that is feeling beaten down and not being treated right, the one that is hurting. You want to be here. I am close to the MARTA Train, and plenty of shopping.I have lived here for over 5 years. This is a nice secret place to find yourself. This is a real add, no scam.
You can be of any age, any nationality, any religion, any color, hair or bald. have money or broke,

hungery, car or no car. I’ll come get you.”  Translation= No one responded to my other post.  I am that same serial killer.

-“need somewhere to stay asap. not a roommate. not a roommate. please dont send me an email. if thats the case. i dont want to stay with anybody i dont know.”

Translation= I don’t like to masturbate in front of strangers.

-“I have a steady boyfriend.  I have one pet guinea pig and would like to have a space for a large cage for him. I keep his cage very clean. He can be a little loud when he gets excited”

Translation= My boyfriend makes weird noises during sex so I just blame it on the guinea pig.

-“Hello, I’m a 20 year old massage therapist/photographer looking for a rental with at least 2 bedrooms and at least one very large bathroom. I need a place where I am allowed run my business out of my home. I am also looking to do a small renovation of the bathroom. I have $11,350 professional steam shower/ hydrotherapy tub for my business. I would need to have the original tub and showerhead removed. I would be more then happy to pay for the renovation and the restoration of the orginal tub and shower when my lease is up. ”

Translation= I am a porn director so don’t be surprised to come home one day and see a bunch of video cameras, lights, and a threesome.

 

As you can see.  There is a lot going on in the world of Craigslist.  By the way, I found this all on the first page.  There were several more pages.  If you have any good Craigslist stories or have seen some good postings please share them in the comments section.

Seeing the Presidential Future

Probably our best bet going forward into 2012.

My New Year’s Resolution…More Raves

Ahh.  New Year’s Eve.  The greatest party every year.  Or is it?  I gotta be honest, I don’t think New Years is all that great.  If you are like me you have gone to New Years parties for at least a decade, if not more, and I don’t have all that many great memories.  In fact, my most common memory is having the same thought every year, New Year’s isn’t that great.  Don’t get me wrong, it is fun to get together with friends and drink and have a good time.  But that is just a typical weekend night.  New Year’s is supposed to be something special.  It is supposed to be the biggest party of the year.  I think that is the problem.  New Year’s parties, at least for me, suffer from great expectations syndrome.

The closest analogy I can come up with is that it has got to be like dating a porn star.  You have all these ideas in your head about how crazy things will get with her.  After all, she is a porn star.  Well look, there is no way she is going to live up to your expectations.  And at the end of the night, instead of a wild experience that you can’t wait to tell your friends about (or in the case of a porn star see on youtube later) you are just hoping to not be bored.

So this year I decided to change it up and went to a rave.  Now a lot of people have never been to a rave so this is my attempt to dispel some myths as well as give you some insight into what a rave is like.  I will also give you some “tips” so you don’t make the same mistakes I did when I first started going.

First off let’s talk about the rave stereotypes; the location is a  dark warehouse somewhere, all the people there are weird and mean, the music is terrible because it is the same beat over and over again.  Actually,  a rave really is like college spring break, just louder music and even more rampant drug use.  The people are nicer too, probably because most are on Ecstasy.  I don’t know about the rest of you, but when I go to your typical nightclub I always seem to bump into some asshole who feels he needs to protect his rep by staring me down.  More and more I stay away from these types of places. As my good friend Greg always says, “If I see a lot of dragons on shirts at the club, I am leaving.”  You don’t get this at a rave.  No one is looking to start any trouble, they just want to have fun.

So what about the music?  Electronic music has changed a lot in the last few years.  I won’t go into all the different genres of electronic music but if you Google it you will see more categories than you imagined.  Keep in mind that some popular songs use the beats from DJ’s so chances are you already listen to the music, you just aren’t aware of it.  Anything with David Guetta, many popular Flo Rida songs etc.

So what do you actually do at a rave?  The answer is simple; dance, meet people, party with friends.  To answer that question even better I am going to give you some rave tips.  This will give you a better idea of what to expect as well as help you avoid some of the pitfalls I experienced.

1. “Who the fuck is Molly?”  If you don’t know, you will say this by the end of the night.  Why?  Because Molly is the code word for Ecstasy.  So when someone comes up to you and asks if you know Molly, they want to buy some drugs.  The first rave I went to was ridiculous.  Apparently me and my friends look like drug dealers because people were coming up to us all night.  Fortunately, one of my friends let me in on the Molly secret.  But he didn’t tell my other friend so he was convinced that some girl named Molly was the most popular person in the bar.   If you really want to have some fun with your friends then don’t tell them about this.  Then go to a rave and I guarantee they will say the above phrase at some point.

2.  Wear comfortable clothes.  The great thing about raves is you can wear whatever you want.  You don’t have to get all dressed up if you don’t want to and most people don’t.  I typically wear a t-shirt, jeans, hat, and athletic shoes.  Girls typically wear a much wider range of outfits.  But I have yet to see any girl wear heels.  The idea at a rave is to dance, so you want to be comfortable.

3.  People will talk to you so don’t be antisocial.  If you are the kind of person that likes to go to a quiet bar with a couple of friends, have a beer and not talk to anyone else, then a rave might not be the best place for you.  I remember the first rave I went to with my brother.  I was at the bar getting a drink and this girl came up and was super friendly.  She left and another girl came up and started chatting away, and no they weren’t flirting with me.  I came back from the bar and commented to my brother how nice everybody was.  He just laughed and said that is probably because they are on something.  Well, I didn’t care.  It made my experience that much more fun having nice people to talk to.  So if you do go, don’t play the  Too Cool for School act and ignore people who try and talk to you.  They might be hitting on you, but then again they might just be saying the first thing that comes to their mind since they are narcotically unfiltered.

4.  Don’t be afraid to order water at the bar.  After his first rave, one of my friends made the comment that he has never spent so much money on water before.  I won’t lie, it can get pretty hot in there and if you are dancing you are going to break a sweat.  Bartenders expect you to buy water in these situations and trust me you won’t be the only one carrying around water that night.

So those are some basic tips.  Hopefully I have piqued your interest to at least attend one rave in your life.  If you have any good rave stories please post them in the comments section.  I have a few good ones but since this post is long enough I didn’t want to include them.