Home > Dating/Love > The Chocolate Latte: Online dating and why I sometimes hope for a zombie apocalypse.

The Chocolate Latte: Online dating and why I sometimes hope for a zombie apocalypse.

Due to all of the feedback from my last blog My Date from Hell, I’ve been asked to do another dating piece. Also, I’m really enjoying the stories you all are sharing with me. Next time I’m at a bar I’m going to pour out some of my drink  for all the dates that died prematurely due to the insanity of the constituents involved.

Last year I delved a little bit into online dating. I’ve always been a skeptic when it comes to relationships formed via the internet that don’t result in packages at the door/Facebook friends/porn.  However, earlier that year I’d been to a wedding where the happy couple had met online. I was bombarded with tons of success stories about online dating at said wedding; so against my better judgment I signed up for a trial month on one of the more well-known sites.

I knew that I would never use this site as a primary form of meeting people, but it was more of a social experiment. It seemed innocent enough at first, kind of like online shopping for a mate. I started to see the fun in it and it was something of an ego boost.  Then the messages started rolling in. They all varied in normalcy but then I was presented with a masterpiece.  It was from a chap named Nathan and the screen shot is below:

It reads as follows:

“Chocolate Latte

hello gorgeous. you seem to be the kind of woman who isn’t afraid to try new things. So can I interest you in trying a new kind of drink? Its called a NATHAN latte, and its good. Its GENUIENE and warm.  Once it touches your lips, it will put a SMILE on your face. it has a real ROMANTIC  feel to it. You will tell all your friends what a WONDERFUL latte you have found, and it will be all yours. Some possible side effects of this drink are extreme laughter, great times, and happiness. So I ask u to take those beautiful eyes of yours and check out my menu. i am CONFIDENT you will eventually fall in LOVE with this latte. Order when you’re ready…..


On the light side: I have to at least give the guy credit and not be a total hater. I have never received an email like that before.  He committed to his coffee metaphor, and obviously went for a visual appeal of all of his CHARACTERISTICS. (Which I’ve also never seen before, so there are some more points scored for using optical cues.)

On the dark side: It may be possible that Nathan is a sufferer of dissociative identity disorder and this poor bastard has actually assumed the persona of a chocolate latte. It is also possible, as he did not address anything specific to me in the note, that my barista/suitor has served up his latte to other ladies. And how many others??

After the purchased session on the dating site expired I decided not to renew.  I know it works for some people, but it’s just not for me.  And also with the latte email I received some even more unsavory ones. From the kind of people that make you wonder if the Mayans were right, and look forward to December 21, 2012. Maybe with a zombie twist, who knows!

There is a distinct possibility that my experience was unique, and perhaps it was me not taking my search online seriously.  I wouldn’t want anyone to be deterred in trying out their luck via the interwebs. Just be prepared for all the walks of life that you will encounter.

So to conclude I will answer the question that is probably plaguing everyone:  no I was never ready to order a chocolate latte.

  1. December 29, 2011 at 12:43 am

    I am way more impressed that you kept this email from a year ago. It is like you knew you should save it for something.

    • December 29, 2011 at 2:10 am

      You don’t just delete a gem like that. It’s been sitting in my Gmail waiting for a home.

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