Home > Uncategorized > College Football/The Girl That Doesn’t Put Out

College Football/The Girl That Doesn’t Put Out

November 22, 2011 Leave a comment Go to comments

It is tough being a fan of a team that loses more than they win.  It is like dating a girl that doesn’t put out.  Stick with me.  Let’s take college football for example.  The college football season is 12 weeks long.  So that means you get 12 weeks out of the 52 in a year to “hang out” with your girlfriend.  Now there is a lot involved with “hanging out”.  You go on vacations (traveling to away games) you go out to dinner (tailgating) you go to the movies/ballet/concert (actually having tickets to the game and attending).  And at the end of the night you aren’t getting any (your team lost) and you are just hoping that the next time you go out (next game the following week) you will get laid (your team won), even though history would suggest otherwise.  This is just flat out illogical.  Why do we do this?

My entire happiness on Saturdays in the Fall is based on my team’s win/loss record.  To put it plainly, I am way more pissed off more in the Fall than I am happy.  Now I know what some of you are saying, “Just pick a new team” (get a new girlfriend).  Here is the problem though.  You have invested in your team and supported them for a long time (you and your girlfriend have history together).   You know the players and the coaches (girlfriend’s parents and siblings) and have made friends with other fans who support the team (you are friends with her friends).  Plus, it looks bad if you switch your team allegiance (drop your girlfriend for something better).

So what is the answer?  How do you solve this problem?  Well the solution isn’t simple.  First and foremost, be very selective in the team you choose to support (don’t just start dating the first girl that talks to you at a bar).  Do some research on the team.  How good have they been over the last five years?  How are they doing recruiting new players?  How good is the coaching staff? (ask simple questions that reveal a lot about a girl based on her answers.  Don’t start with “where are you from”, or “what do you do for a living”.  These are easy but horrible questions to start a conversation.  My first question allows me to learn a lot about a girl just by her answer).  Watch the team play a couple of games before you go buy a flag to hang in front of your house (go on some dates before you start leaving a toothbrush at her house).

Now I realize that most people reading this are already too old to switch team allegiance or put this into practice, but it still needed to be said.  So I guess the moral of the story is, if the college football team you root for sucks, try and at least have a girlfriend that swallows.

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